Welp, school’s out and I’m back to finish what I started last summer.
Last summer, I began this blog to chronicle my journey to perfection, starting with my weight. A journey that was put on hold because of school and want of a social life. Now, while I am working (which I wasn’t before) I still have more free time.
Last year I went from maybe 155-159 lbs down to 140 lbs in about three weeks. Which is crazy right? I did this based on some type of internal “common sense” that I can’t really explain with science, but I dropped a pound a day doing it (letting myself “chill” on weekends). I’m 144 lbs average now (I ate like a pig over the winter, though 4 lbs ain’t that bad). My goal is hopefully around 130 but when I was 170 it was my goal to be 140 so who knows where I’ll be satisfied.
I’m pretty much still doing what I did last year: no food after 4:30 pm; some form of exercise everyday (I dance 4 days a week and run 4 days a week with 1 day of overlap); eat whatever I want but generally stay under 1100 calories (did you know eating fewer calories increases longevity? ok, maybe not that low, but it’s only temporary); and drinking lots of water. I keep it simple and bearable. The only real challenge is ignoring the habit to eat with my family for dinner.
I take caffeine tablets before working out (want a more natural way and thinking of trying bananas) and stalk my “thinspiration” daily to stay motivated. It’s still Kaylin Garcia by the way :), I follow her on Instagram and her picture is my screensaver. While I think we’d never get along in real life, her body is GREAT and close to what I think mine would be at her size.
Unlike last year, I care less about the scale and more about the measurements (since 140 used to be the magic number :P). Last time I checked my waist was either 28″ – 29″ and I want to be 26″ (an average for the girls whose bodies I like). I’m so close! Hopefully, this is the year that I’ll finally accomplish my weight goals. Then I’ll probably move to my skin.
So, thanks for reading and caring about my narcissistic goals in life!
(Oh, and I’ll try for more pictures, pictures are more fun than words lol)
My school semester is almost over. And with spring here (if Georgia even has a spring) it’s getting hotter and hotter, my solution to stay comfortable in warm weather is to wear less clothes. I’m currently a student assistant at my school (and have been for different departments since 2011) and clothing has never really been an issue. Between not having to work around my bosses and my general shame towards my body XD it’s just never come up.
But a few times (at most 3) this semester it’s been hot. And when I get hot, I get swamp crotch. This isn’t normally a problem if I’m not outside or moving. But walking from class up and down Atlanta gets VERY hot. So I’ve worn shorts. Thrice. And not just shorts, cutoffs. They aren’t all that short and come to a high school appropriate mid thigh. But apparently, shorts aren’t appropriate for work AT ALL.
Skinny jeans seem to be fine and even my boss wears them (with converse lol, idk if there isn’t really a dress code or what…) I asked at the very beginning when I first got the job (way back in January) if there was a dress code and she said no, as long as it wasn’t offensive. I didn’t know there was an implied “but no cutoff shorts” there. Or shorts period. Because today I mentioned the heat to my boss and said it would be easier if we could were less clothes to work, but that probably wouldn’t go over well. And she said something along the lines of “no shorts” and that was all I heard. I’d noticed her looking at them when I wore them before and even remember thinking, why is she looking at my legs? don’t my shorts pass the finger tip test? Lol, but this isn’t high school. I think for work there’s the dollar bill test, where no more than a dollar bill above the knee.
I guess I thought I could get away with it since I was a lowly student assistant. That’s a pretty bad thing. I should probably always want to impress my superiors 😛 So no more shorts for me. Hopefully since I don’t have summer classes and I’ll be straight in and out of work, it won’t be so bad.
Extra: Also, as for posting (if anyone’s even reading this, let alone consistently) I started this blog as an outlet for fulfilling my personal goals. I know I’ve been mostly obsessed with weight and there are girls’ bodies currently on my page, but it’s about perfection overall. Physically, mentally, socially, and spiritually. I’m just OBSESSED with my outer, which I want to reflect the inner. If that makes sense.
It’s been such a long times since I’ve posted. Mostly it’s because I have nothing new to report. I put off weightloss until after winter because it was too cold to workout in my garage. But Spring is officially here and it’s finally warming up in GA after two snowmageddons.
Anyhoo. So I’m am super awkward at work. In fact, if I were at a job where I could have my own office with a closed door and never have to see or talk to anyone I’d be happy. I guess that’s called home, lol. Right now, I’m a student assistant in Web Development and the meager skills I’ve learned doing this measly little blog are starting to pay off. Only problem is, everyone I work with is much older than I am, like 10+ years older and it’s soooo hard talking to them. That on top of generally not knowing how to talk to people due to my reclusive artist ways and you get a mound of awkward. Plus, I’m new. My boss is ok, she’s like in her 30’s, but there are some ladies here 50+ and they freak me out. I think what bothers me is not knowing when it’s okay for me to do something. Like they were having a get together for a lady’s birthday and I went in just to say hello. I normally wait until someone walks by to speak, because they sit further back in the office than I do, and there’s no reason for me to go back there. Well, I walked in and no one looked particularly interested to see me and I wanted to just wave and say, “I just wanted to say hello.” And they could be like, “Hello, Briana, how was your break? Good? Okay, see you later.” But instead, I got distracted and instead address the woman who’s birthday it was because I hadn’t seen her in a long time. The pause was there for me to say hello to everyone when I first walked in, but I wasted it addressing only her and when I looked up, they were back to talking amongst themselves, and I was back to having no reason to be back there. There was a lady who addressed me (one of the 50 yr olds) and she offered me punch, but that was it. She didn’t ask about my break or my day. She kinda tuned back into to the convo they were already having. I poured up some punch, then I left without saying anything -__-. (<— as you can see by my immature emoticons I’m still very young)
So it was awkward. But I was used to it. I’m not corporate, I’m an artist. I don’t know how to, nor have the patience to make idle boring small talk. I’ll ask about your weekend to be polite, but after that, don’t expect much else :/. I know the boring small talk is necessary if you want to get ahead (my boss was talking a whole part-time position and not a work-study) and I’ve been laid off before for being recluse and unrelatable (almost every job actually), but I feel like it’s harder for me for some reason :/. Oh well, that was my awkward situation for the day.
My boss imparted some scary knowledge on me yesterday. I recently started working for a toy store where I’m supposed to be peppy and chipper all the time. I’d only worked on the floor actually interacting with guest twice before working it a third time last night. At the end of the night I went and talked to my manager about receiving more hours since I’d only worked three times in three weeks.
She said, “Well, to be honest, today is the first day that we’ve seen the girl from the interview.”
I felt like someone had stabbed me in the chest. I said, “Maybe that’s because I’m getting more familiar with the store and answering costumer’s questions.” Which is true, the more familiar and comfortable I am with a job, the better job I do.
I’m going to tell you a secret. I’m really awkward. The store I work at is all about costumer interaction, which really sucks for an awkward turtle like me. Finding the perfect place to say “Hi! How’s everyone doing?” or “Finding everything you need?” or “We’re having a half-off sale today” is hard enough, but it doesn’t stop there for this store. It’s also “Oh! Are you a princess? Are you going to a royal ball to meet your prince?” or “Cool! You’re a superhero? Can you fly?” All that stuff is hard for me when the parents are right there staring at me lol.
I was never good at being corny on purpose. I’m a very laid back person and I prefer interacting with costumers as I see opportunities to, so as not to crowd them.
But this isn’t what scared me. What scares me is that because of this, my boss wasn’t giving me any hours. She was probably hoping I’d quit. She was withholding hours (and therefore money) from me because I was being myself. And she said that yesterday was the first day she’d seen me chipper, which I didn’t get because I was acting the same to me. Which is what bothers me. I’m naturally laid back but also goofy and quirky, which is what got me the job in the first place. Could I have let my insecurity of not knowing the store well show? Or had I looked a little bitter that my boss was being short with me for not knowing how to operate the cash register efficiently my first day? I’d thought it a coincidence that she had me working the back of the store, never at the register, and only once a week. But no, it was deliberate. And I was promised a full time position after the holiday season initially. That’ll probably be a flop too.
That scares me.